If I Stay

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

*Scroll to the bottom for a music video I produced and was in. Keep reading for complete story about how the video came to life.*

What's your biggest heartbreak story? For me, it was a tale of total and complete deception. The kind of deception that blindsides you and makes you doubt your own ability to see the truth. The kind of deception only written for screen, surely these things can't happen in real life. Right?
Oh, but it did. Perhaps because he was a director, I an actress, and we were surrounded by so much of what feeds and multiplies the narcissistic behavior of the entertainment biz on a daily basis.
Girls, it was bad. So bad that it took me quite a while to recuperate. And not because he was worth the sorrow, but because I had some serious digging to do, to realize just what it was inside of me, that would allow this kind of man into my life.
I had to take responsibility for that. And that stung. But you know what happened when I did? I healed. I met a wonderful man, and I have everything I ever wished and hoped for, but somehow didn't believe I deserved. Until now.
I'd like to tell you all of the gory details (it's quite a story!) but I will refrain. Ours was a tumultuous relationship, for sure. But the short end of it is - he was my boyfriend. He was also someone else's boyfriend. One day she showed up at the door.
Oh, it's cliche, and embarrassing (and it wasn't my brightest shining moment, I'll tell you that) but at least it's something I can finally laugh about. And I just want to tell you (yes, you!) that one girl who may be out there and reading this right now, to believe that real love does exist. Believe that there are good guys left in the world. And that you do deserve it. And you will find him. If you do the work on your own heart first.
This came to my attention again (I mean, it's been YEARS) because a good friend of mine recently found herself at drinks with the very girl who showed up at his house that day. (Isn't it annoying how small the world is sometimes?)
Neither of them put 2 and 2 together until a name was dropped. The poor girl is still believing his lies. It made me think about how quick we are to judge and hate each other as women (especially when the affection of another man is involved) when really, we should be helping one another. I feel sad for her and want to give her a hug and show her how life can be so much better.
It's like I was set free, and she's still chained to whatever hurt inside of her is still keeping her there.
I feel blessed that one of the only ways I've ever known how to deal with pain is through art. And with that previous, nearly forgotten pain, remains a music video I made with the uber talented Shane Mack.
If you guys don't know who Shane is or don't know much about the pop/country music world, he's the guy that writes award winning songs like Last Call for Lee Ann Womack and Somewhere With You for Kenny Chesney.

We had discussed collaborating on a music video for quite a while, and by the time we got to it, the heartache of the previous situation had healed, but the story remained.

This is our take on relationships gone wrong. I play his girlfriend and my gorgeous husband not only directed the video, but plays the "other man" as well. Now that's what I like to call full circle! Let me know what you think. And here's to love! (The real kind.) xx

*All images except #9 sourced via WeHeart it