Tough stuff (pregnancy, motherhood & that girl I used to be)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Being pregnant with a toddler is the most challenging thing I have ever done. It takes an incredible amount of energy to keep up with a tiny tot, run a household, and keep a steady hand on personal endeavors, projects or any kind of work. And my pregnancies are not easy. After finally making it through the first several months of this, most days I feel as though I could quite literally fall asleep standing up. Friendships, hobbies, and fun things like fashion fabulousness tend to get pushed aside for more immediate needs. (And if I have a free moment, can I please spend an evening reconnecting with my husband over a quiet, uninterrupted dinner?)
I remember when I was young, my own mother used to say that being a parent was sacrifice. It has never resonated as much as it does now. I love my life. I love my daughter, she's my dreams and my happiness, and my heart wrapped up in a tiny, adorable, miniature form. I love this little man growing inside my belly, who will someday be bigger than me, who with any luck will turn out a lot like the man I married and devoted my life to... 
But how do you quiet the need to continue being that girl you used to be? That girl who wrote for hours and painted paintings and pitched TV shows in (vintage) power suits, and made movies and killer music mixes and small but significant waves in massively overcrowded ponds?
I think the answer lies somewhere between patience, balance and priorities... and because I have never been the kind of girl to give up, I refuse to give up on the belief that we as women can indeed have it all. 

I just need to find a way to do it first.

And I'm working on that. 


  1. I can only imagine what you are going through trying to balance it all, but I must say you seem to be doing it as beautifully as possible, and that in and of itself is quite the task, I'm sure! I too believe that women can indeed do it all, and I think you are on your way to doing just that...perhaps the need doesn't need to be quieted, just attended to in a slightly different manner that allows you to fulfill it enough to ease it, and I know you will find that! Sending a few extra smiles your way! :)

  2. I know you can do anything you set your heart and mind to! You're right, it's all about balance. You'll find it!

  3. You're doing it beautifully and gracefully. Never lose sight of that. There are so many gals that wouldn't continue blogging at all while pregnant. Be good to yourself and know that your fans are still, (and always) out there.

    Love you Lady! See you soon.

  4. It's tough. I remember that super-tired, vaguely-guilty, longing feeling. It's hard to remember that it's temporary when you're ready for a nap 2 hours after waking up sometimes. And I hate to say but 2 kids is more than double the work, but so so so WORTH it. You'll find that balance again, I promise.

    The Suburb Experiment

  5. Thank you, guys. Your comments mean so much. xx

  6. I fight this all the time, because we as women take on so many roles, we ARE the mother, we ARE the wife, we ARE the entrepenuer, the dreamer, the achiever, the "conductor of chaos" ;) I think we need to steal away quiet moments for ourselves, cuz we can lose ourselves sometimes, it's a balancing act in the most extreme form. I feel our kids need us to continue being who we are, they gather so much from how we conduct ourselves, what we love, what we're passionate about. Never lose sight of what truly strikes a chord in your passionate heart, you may have to put it on the back burner once in awhile, you may have to do tiny snippets of what used to consume your life, but never give up all that is YOU and what drives you. It may be in a different time frame or amount of time spent on it so that we can sacrifice for our home, spouses, and children which is noble and important and necessary, but ASK for those moments if the do not present themselves as readily. Your husband and children will be better off with a woman in their lives who is still true to who she is. i think you're incredible and beautiful and wish you all the luck in the world! :)


  7. @hiliary - your comment brought tears to my eyes! Thank you. xx

  8. I love your honesty on your blog. Even if I'm not pregnant, I know what I'm in for later! And I hope I'm cute like you when pregnant too.

  9. Tan,
    You KNOW I soooo "get it!" Hang in there! You are doing great!!! Love you!

  10. Aw, mama...I feel for you..and FEEL YOU. Lately I have SO much going on..I feel like I am not doing ANYTHING to the best ability because it is all too much....and then I freak myself out about how I am going to do it all when the lil guy is HERE...because as we both know..they are much easier in the bellies, then out, lol.
    Hang in there...I am right there with you. We will find the balance....or spend our lives on the journey.

  11. Thanks, Carly. (Heidi, you know I love you)

    I can't tell you ladies how much these comments mean. The support is overwhelming and so appreciated. xx

  12. as a mama of 2, now almost 3 and 5...

    i remember feeling as you do.

    a wise woman once said to me, and it rings loudly here,

    "we can have it all, just not at the same time"

  13. I was sick as a dog with my first baby. Nine months of vomiting and phengran. Not cool at all. My last two were perfect pregnancies. Thank God! Sorry you feel bad but soon you will be holding that baby!! I'm a new reader so, do you know what you are having?


Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I love hearing from you guys! If you ask a question, I will be sure to respond back here. xx