Why my 2017 sucked (and why it didn't) + a printed suit (because, fashion)

Sunday, December 31, 2017

I got a fan letter the other day. At first I thought it was a prank. I really did. It's not just because it's been a long time since I've been in a movie or TV show, but because that pretty much sums up my knee-jerk reaction to any sort of kindness or goodness in 2017. I just don't trust it. If you know me, you know that I'm mostly an extremely positive, see-the-good-in-every-situation kind of gal, but 2017 changed me. It was a hefty year that changed a whole lot of us.

I have bad-ass, straight-talking friend from Boston who always chimes in on any sort of complaint by her caucasian, middle-to-upper class mom friends by saying "first world problems" and I know she's right. (Although I'm half Mexican, I was gifted the genetic pool of looking like the ones who have it a whole lot easier.) I have a tremendous amount to be grateful for, and even more to be genuinely joyful about; Work I love, two healthy, brilliant children, if-I-do-say-so-myself, a solid marriage going a decade + strong, and a big house to wrap us all up at night. But I'm more than a bit weathered from a year that was suffering from the consequences of the aftermath that was 2016.

I know I'm not alone, and I know I'm in the company of many who endured so much more. But man, I'm so happy to say goodbye to one of the toughest years yet. Friendships were tested (the true ones remain) some relationships built in business in 2016 were built up with hopeful naivety, only to crumble drastically in the light of day, sharp fangs being revealed after the first disagreement. I parted ways with people I didn't necessarily want to, but knew there was no other way around it, in order to move forward, having grown tired of pulling dead weight for so long. Some decided to see the worst in me as well, instead of the years of service, love, and opportunities I created, including a family member who I once considered an iron-clad confidant. This was where my 2017 started, and the residual effects continued throughout the year.

I look back and feel as though 2017 was full of so much hard work. One mountain after another to climb, climb, climb. One obstacle after the next, to overcome. I think collectively we all got hit, at times it felt as though the whole world was turned upside down. I could see it on the faces of strangers passing by, deep sighs of a mutual understanding was all the communication needed. Wrong was right, and had won elections. Natural disasters raged with fury. Senseless killings. One news story after another, as the world fell down around us.

But small miracles happened as well. My favorite aunt survived rigorous cancer treatments and surgery. I held her hand as she went from resilient warrior, to the fragile elderly, back to her warrior self again. Two friendships in particular bloomed exponentially, digging deep into that hidden part of myself, and pulling out the sunshine with a gentle reminder - some people can be trusted - some people will recognize my good. My five year old son taught himself to be brave in the face of new challenges, not to mention a new language, and I found a reason to keep going in business, realizing that only I possess the key, and having the confidence to stand on my own is exactly what I needed to learn.

Banana Republic Suit, Vintage Silk Blouse, DVF Leopard Pumps

Things were rocky, but there were moments of sweetness as well. I suppose it was the necessary dark to make the light beam loudly with its brilliance. Even in the hardest moments, I could still keep my head above water somehow, finding comfort in the knowledge that nothing lasts forever, the good or the bad.

In those heart clutching moments when I thought I couldn't take anymore, a moment of relief would always come. Like the time my kids both found me slumped over my computer in defeat, dinner burning on the stove, tears welling up in my eyes, absolutely frazzled, burnt, burned and heartbroken to the core, and they wrapped their arms around me and said "You're a good mommy. You're doing a good job, mama." and I knew it would all be ok.

It took a lot of work to get here. Over one year to be exact. But through love, and meditation, therapy, and prayer, I've survived. Back into my warrior self again, and ready for what 2018 throws at me.

One thing I know for sure - things are different. Very different. And they'll never be the same. But I'll survive this new normal.

We all will. If we just keep swimming. Happy New Year!

T xx

Photos by SKCN Design