Tough stuff (pregnancy, motherhood and that girl I used to be)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Being pregnant with a toddler is the most challenging thing I have ever done. It takes an incredible amount of energy to keep up with a tiny tot, run a household, and keep a steady hand on personal endeavors, projects or any kind of work. And my pregnancies are not easy. After finally making it through the first several months of this, most days I feel as though I could quite literally fall asleep standing up. Friendships, hobbies, and fun things like fashion fabulousness tend to get pushed aside for more immediate needs. (And if I have a free moment, can I please spend an evening reconnecting with my husband over a quiet, uninterrupted dinner?)
I remember when I was young, my own mother used to say that being a parent was sacrifice. It has never resonated as much as it does now. I love my life. I love my daughter, she's my dreams and my happiness, and my heart wrapped up in a tiny, adorable, miniature form. I love this little man growing inside my belly, who will someday be bigger than me, who with any luck will turn out a lot like the man I married and devoted my life to... 
But how do you quiet the need to continue being that girl you used to be? That girl who wrote for hours and painted paintings and pitched TV shows in (vintage) power suits, and made movies and killer music mixes and small but significant waves in massively overcrowded ponds?
I think the answer lies somewhere between patience, balance and priorities... and because I have never been the kind of girl to give up, I refuse to give up on the belief that we as women can indeed have it all. 

I just need to find a way to do it first.

And I'm working on that.