I've been doing a lot of contemplating lately on what it really means to have balance in my life.
Balance. A balanced life.
Is it even possible to have and balance it all? Is it a futile task that we as modern parents put upon ourselves out of guilt and societal pressure?
I don't know. Perhaps.
All I know is that I am most myself, my best self when I have more to live and breathe for than just my home.
And I have a wonderful home. I have healthy and beautiful children. I have an amazing husband who supports and challenges me, kisses me goodnight every single night, and gives me a real embrace when he comes home each night. (And he comes home each night. And invites me on his business trips. And still considers me his best friend.) We have love, above all in this house and I am grateful. I'm one of the lucky ones. I know this.
So why ask for more? Why want more? Am I tipping the balance in a happy home by pulling towards selfish goals and dreams?
All I know is this: There's still a part of me that's separate from them. An individual soul outside of this serenity (don't get me wrong, it's still chaos up in this piece sometimes). But within the walls of this haven dwells a woman who wants and dreams outside of it.
Balance is a day-to-day work in progress and put quite simply, it's really about perspective. And in my opinion, a healthy dose of gratitude.
Some days I'm a fantastic mom, some days I'm hanging on by the skin of my invisilined teeth. Some days, I'm rockin' the new biz like it's my job, other days I'm defeated and scared and just want to sleep in and pull the covers over my head for the entire day. (I don't. I can't. I have two small children.)
It's not humanly possible to balance everything perfectly, every single day.
Perspective is about looking around me and saying "OK, you did one thing right today. Your children are happy and fed and that was a pretty great meal you made, too. No, you didn't do enough social media or research and the laundry is piling up in an embarrassing manner, but when you played 'tickle monster' with your son, you were really there. And he really laughed." And when I give myself that kind of slack (Cuz we're hardest on ourselves, aren't we?) I feel more able and capable and positive and willing to have another go, on another day, at that futile task of trying to do it all.
Now if only I could work out more, and drink less wine.