November Grey: It's a gift

This first week home from the hospital has been beautiful and hard. It's been a rush of momentous moments - like watching my sweet Stella's smiling face as she gazed at her baby brother for the first time, noticing the tears in my husband's eyes when he saw them together for the first time, then thanked me, really thanked me for giving him a son... To the daily grind of being back home, juggling it all with very little help and the hubs and I trying to stay sane on little, to no sleep.

The balance between newborn and toddler is going to be the biggest challenge. Nobody can settle my sweet girl's heart like the arms and attention of her mother and not one person on earth can do what needs to be done for our newborn son. They both depend on me so exclusively, that I've felt the weight of that responsibility so heavily over the past few days.

I want to do the best for the both of them and I'm trying, dear God I'm trying... but because I'm human (a very tired, worn-down human, still in physical pain and recovering from the marathon of labor and birth) inevitably something or someone will suffer.

It's sink or swim these days, but what a wonderful reason to be exhausted, to feel beat-up, to be overwhelmingly happy and SCARED TO DEATH at the same time. When it's harder than hard and I feel like I'm barely able to keep up or keep going, I try to remind myself that this is exactly what I've always dreamed of...